a/n : i also apologize for typing lazily and sometimes not checking before posting cos damn im too lazy haha i have school stuff to do
and this blog is basically a runaway from it :v
today, september 15th 2016 marks the middle of this lucky month of mine. we’re halfway there, guys. like i said, i considered september as my most special month between the other 11 months but i don’t quite feel any special now.
since the end of august, i had so much problems to finish and not much luck to help me with it.
at the beginning of september, i felt hopeless. i skipped an event that i was supposed to join in. i tried my very best in tests yet always get a result that kicks me in the heart, hard. i was tired everyday, couldn’t sleep, was always sleepy in class. couln’t concentrate at all.
finally, mid-september. i honestly believe in climaxes, especially in novels and my favourite korean drama serials. but damn life really fucked me up. way harder than whatever drama has did to me.
so my skin condition got worse. my flu aint goin nowhere. i’m pretty sure that my eyesight got worse. my scores look like complete shit. i don’t eat properly even though i swore that i’ll ignore people’s comments this year and eat whatever the hell i want.
my life is a complete mess and yeah i don’t understand why i’m ranting this on my blog for everyone to read, but i love it. i love the satisfactory of making posts and taking care of a shitty blog, cos it’s my sanctuary.
but yeah none of this should really be important at all. i don’t get how my friends can laugh at school and love each and everyday of their life but i contemplate on my scores, my social life, my family at home and other stressful moments occuring now. i do laugh at school, probably cos i’m to stressed out. no, it doesn’t make me feel better. it shows how stressed i am, and i just really need to stop. i’m missing out on a lot of korean drama cos school. i uninstalled my addictive twitter life, for school. but what the hell am i getting from school besides fake scores, fake friends, and a fake life from 6.30-15.30? it sucks.
and i can’t blame the indonesian government. i can’t blame my school for being this way. i obviously can’t blame my parents for giving birth to me in the first place.
i gotta blame myself for not even trying when i have the opportunity to. i love hating myself and bringing myself down, but i never know how to bring myself up. yes, i’m that stupid.
so, 6 days to being a better me. hopefully. cos its a “sweet sixteen” and not a “sad sixteen”. or whatever adjective that starts with an ‘s’.
but yes i tend to love my birthday. and hate it at the same time. i’m thankful for my caring family, close friends, and best friends for sticking up to my shit and accepting the fact that i was born to be a complete freak. but i also hate that i was born, i never knew what my purpose of existence is, and yeah i have been very hated in my past life. and now, duh.
i just hope everything’s gonna roll like a sushi roll. nice and right.