Baper.

Apa tuh baper? 

Baper itu bawa perasaan. 

Ya, untuk manusia seperti gua yang suka baperan, post ini selain buat ngaca juga pelajaran buat kalian yang kebetulan ngeklik post ini. 
Gua menemukan foto yang berasal dari tumblr dan menurut gua ini penting banget

Gua udah jelasin di instagram nyampah saya (yo yang belom stalk, dan mau follow boleh @dunkindonad) (lol sorry for promoting) kalau orang tuh tingkat sensitivitasnya beda-beda. Ada yang dibercandain dikit bapernya gak nahan, ada juga yang yauda si gitu doang santuy.  Ya, and I’m the first option. 

Lebay sih mikirin apa kata orang, lebay sih merubah diri karena apa kata orang. Emang kita hidup harus berdasarkan orang? We have a right to be free and to love ourselves, and not the us that is made by tons of people’s opinions.

Katakanlah gua dikatain gendut (emang iya si). Sekarang mendingan sih, udah gak separah zaman-zaman masih pake rok merah dan berlanjut ketika pake rok biru. Iye, iye tahu badan gua emang bentuknya begini.. gak perlu diperjelas setiap kali kita bertatap muka. Gak penting, sumpah. 

Like I relate to all people that hate family meetings, no I don’t hate my family but I hate their harsh comments. 

“Eh, Nadia gemukan ya sekarang,” or

“Coba kalau sama ***** tinggian siapa?”

and not to mention “Lebih tinggi adeknya ya,” 

also, “Itu kakinya kenapa?” 

On the bright side, I guess they just care for me and are worried because my parents have really good genes and I don’t look like how they expect me to.  Either that or they’re so nosy gosh get a life, geez ಠ_ಠ 

Not only family but a few friends did comment about how chubby I am. E.g:

“Ihhh Nadia buncit” and

“Eh ada Nadia, muat di mobil?” and more… 

True. I don’t fancy sports. Not that I hate it, I know I’m not good at it, to the point where I always try and people cheer for me but all I do is fail. If I keep on doing this I’ll end up humilliating myself, and I hate being a laughing stock more than anything else. It tortures the introvert side of me. (If I even still have that) 

By people mentioning that I’m fat, wow. I tried dieting, I tried being ambitious and exercised but it didn’t really last long. I stopped in the middle whilst asking myself “Is this worth it?”. Am I just going to change myself to please people? 

Now that’s what I call stupid. 

You don’t do things to please people, you do things to please yourself. And to be honest, I can’t find happiness in doing sports like I do when I sing or draw. I can’t force myself to be like everyone else. 

“But, nothing is impossible,” and

“Lu gak akan bisa kalo belom nyoba.” bullshit

I tried, okay!? I tried and tried and tried till I can’t do it no more. Not just exercising, I buy lotions and creams all the time til my mom asks “why buy more? you still have your old ones!” Everyone has their own limits. I don’t call this “giving up“, I call this “going against my will and breaking my boundaries“. It’s dumb to force myself to make myself like the image everyone wants. 

It’s dumb for me to want to be liked back when all people want is someone pretty with a good body when all I have is this, and all I’ve ever done is try to make my body like them.

Terus kenapa lo ngeluh mulu, Nad? Dunia belom kiamat, masih bisa berusaha. 

Yes. Emang. Iya, terserah lo mau bilang gua lebay lah ngeluh gua dilahirkan gak se-cantik dia, ngeluh gua gendut dan gua ga berusaha

You can judge people from the cover, right? I wonder if you also judge people when you’ve already read the insides. 

Nasib suatu kaum gak akan berubah sampai kaum itu sendiri yang mengubahnya. 

Mungkin aja nasib gua masih begini

It’s fun right to make fun of people’s sensitivity. Gak sehat kalo baper mulu, but it’s hard to not cry. It’s hard to keep everything all to yourself. It’s not nice to make people think “oh you drama queens should chill”, yeah we can. But we can’t completely do so. 

Like sure we’ll still be friends despite me being like this and you being like that, but I do appreciate the feedback. 

And so what if I get skinnier? Will boys automatically like me? Will I get popular? And if my scars fade, will I be proud? Will my parents stop commenting about how their daughter’s a complete fail? 

Well, I hope so. 

I also hope that I’ll stop being so “baper”

But still, I’ll always be insecure. Trying to wear clothes to make me look slimmer, trying to hide my scars that I feel people will be sick of. 

I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

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