a message.

here lies a message from a girl who wants to change the world, step by step. firstly, indonesia.

hi, i’m kana.

i’m not anyone special. i’m just a normal 16,5 year old who loves watching korean drama and anime. i spend my free time drawing and writing. at home i do the laundry and have fun with my family. pretty normal.

everyone around me however, are super talented. some are known for their pretty face and cute voice that melts boys’ ears. others are famous for their high scores and acheivements from joining competitions. most win regional competitions, but there are many that go to the nationals too (even international!)

even my brother just recently won 1st for an english speech competition, and is going to be the representative of banten. think about success. also, my younger sister won 1st for a little doctor competition, thus winning a laptop (which i use all the time)

i feel like everyone does well in everything that they do, and i don’t. 

no matter how hard i try, i don’t succeed. until now, i still don’t know what i really want in life.

i have a dream, to change indonesia. i want to get rid of all rubbish and create a better environment. but to actually reach that said dream, i have to go past many obstacles. including getting a great score.

not everyone is smart in academics. sure, the school wants us to get a minimal of 80 so we get accepted in university. then what? is that even our true score?

no one will know that i actually got a 50 in maths, or any of the other real scores that aren’t showed in the report card.

why can’t we just do what we want? why can’t we graduate with our real scores? why are we forced to reach something that we aren’t capable of?

is what i thought.

everyday i try and be positive but i also fall down at the end of the day thinking “what have i done today that is worth it?”

i really want to win. i really want to make myself and my parents proud. i’m tired of just being plain.

i’m tired of having nothing. i want to change that “nothing” into “something” useful for everyone.

yes, i might get bad scores. but i try to help friends with my summaries. i hate the idea of helping in tests but i help before tests. i try to be honest, because that’s what’s important. most people get a good score but hardly study. and i study yet still fail. that’s how beautiful life is, right?

that’s how i need to fight in life. even though i keep falling, i need to wake up and work harder.

i need to win.

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