wishes

i’ve always wished for many things, and not all of them have been granted yet.

for example, my skin. they’re really sensitive and peel easily. especially when a mosquito (in fact, any insect) bites my skin it turns red and rips off. they’re absolutely itchy – can drive me insane – then after my skin peels off it stings like mad. that’s not even the worst part. the aftermath of it is what sticks to me each and every single day of the year, scars. i’ve tried many creams, oils, diets and surfed the internet for solutions but they’ve stayed the same and it’s hurting my pride and self-esteem even more. what teenager wouldn’t want clear and pretty skin? the worst part is my parents don’t seem to care (yes this is my own business) but they keep telling me to chill and just keep trying. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! it will NOT go away unless i actually do something. they say i think about it too much when it’s impossible to NOT think about something horrid and disgusting right in front of you. i can’t wear short clothes at home which bothers me so much because i really want to wear short clothes.

i also feel so insecure with my body and the clothes that i wear. i feel like whatever clothes i buy will not fit me well, even though i see people look good wearing that certain outfit. and me, i can’t pull it off. i try my best to mix and match outfits and look, meh. other people just do it effortlessly, wearing whatever they already have and just POOF! magic. and i have to go to different stores, buy things and experiment on myself..searching for the right bits and pieces to make me look gorgeous. yes, its hard.

i also envy many people and their successes, whether it’s celebgrams and their page full of “travelling around the world” and “fashion photoshoots”, relying on their parents rich asses and their stunning beauty. also, people that are smart, popular, also pretty…but then again they’ve reached that point because they’ve struggled through a LOT to get to the top. they’ve won the gold medal, then prepared for international competitions. 

and to be very honest, i’ve always wished to be in their place. to be known as a success, to travel around the world and see things i haven’t seen yet. i want to make my parents proud. i want to make myself proud. but yeah i’m just me, i’ve tried my very best but i haven’t achieved anything yet. my parents aren’t celebs or the headteacher or even a high class CEO of a company. they’re perfectly imperfect, and so am i. i’m not rich and i don’t know many people, i also have NO value in front of my teachers therefore if i happen to have an opportunity for a winter camp or anything, i probably won’t get permission from my school..saying it’s a waste of time and i wouldn’t be able to catch up with my studies. ehm, because i’m not smart enough.
i really wish there can be many more opportunities for the aspiring youth, for us teens with a vision to change the world. and not just teens that has rich ass parents or parents that are a boss, but teens that are just themselves. teens that can grow and build their future, without having to worry about the cost. teens that want to make more friends and learn how to be social.

i have a dream where i can change the world but apparently this world is messed up and won’t allow me to.

how am i supposed to change it then?

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